Terrible, terrible things

A while back I challenged CynLynn to blog about how she and Johnny met. I'll be damned if she didn't leave out the naughty bits. :( Still, it's only fair that I bore you with the Sean & Jaq story.

I was a 25-year-old punk and she was... oh, I'm not supposed to say what she was, am I? Well, she was a single mother of four, anyway. I'd been hanging out with the local BBS geeks for about four or five years, and had already dated many of the eligible (and less picky) single girls. None of those worked out.

Jaq wrote for the local paper, and had other writing credits under her belt. Someone told her that the local Writers Guild had a BBS and set her up for her first foray online. It turns out that the Writer's Guild BBS was totally useless - just a gathering place for wannabes, not anything for folks actually making a living at it. BUT, it had a list of numbers for other local BBSes, one of which was a 12-line chat board.

I hung out at that particular chatty place a lot, and had a bunch of friends there. She signed up and dropped into chat. She got along just fine with those folks, and eventually decided to come to one of the frequent user meets we held.

That meet was held on a Saturday in June. I almost didn't go. That particular date was when my town held their annual Beer Fest, and I always went. Always. Never missed it. However, the fellow I always went with had passed away a year earlier, and the person I was to go with instead wasn't really someone I could see myself partying with for an entire evening. And besides, there was someone coming who I hadn't met yet, someone who I got along well with on the BBS. And she was a woman! :D How could I miss that?

So I dropped out at the last minute and went to the BBS user meet instead.

To hear Jaq tell it, she went to that meet specifically to see me. She's lying, of course.

I showed up late. There they all were, sitting around three pushed-together tables, with a guy named Dave on one side of her and a guy named Mike on the other. Mike wasn't interested, but I could see that Dave was.

DAMN! Not Dave! How could I compete with Dave? He was a quiet, wonderfully warm and good looking man who made a decent wage at his job and a fair bit extra with his art. Dave was a catch. I never understood why the girls weren't flocking around him more. Jaq was an artist, too. They had something in common. I was a Radio Shack geek who still lived at home.

Shit.

There happened to be a space across the table from her, so I reluctantly sat there. Reluctantly, because I didn't particularly want to watch them get along so well and then leave together. But she was polite and paid attention to everyone at the table, not just Dave. So we got to talk a bit. I casually asked how she liked Dave when he wasn't around and she told me she liked him fine. They'd already been on a date together.

Shit.

They left together.

Actually, they left along with a user named "Blossom." It turns out that she was their ride.

I was sunk. She and Dave were a thing. Blossom was probably dropping them both off at Dave's place or something. Rats.

I left a bit later. When I got home I logged on to the BBS. She was online!

Me: Hey, it was good to finally meet you.
Her: Thanks. You too. I'm pooped, though, and have to get up early with the kids. Chat with you some tomorrow, okay?
Me: Sure thing. 'night.

Yeah. Kids. Pfft. She probably dialed in from Dave's house. :(

Just then, Blossom logged on and invited me to chat privately.

Blossom: So you finally met her. What'd you think?
Me: Nice person. Doesn't matter though. She and Dave are a thing.
Blossom: They are?
Me: Sure they are. They went on a date just a few days ago.
Blossom: Ah. Well, I don't think she likes him as much as you think.
Me: What makes you say that?
Blossom: We dropped Dave off first, then we talked on the way to her place.
Me: Oooooh. Oh. Okay.
Blossom: Yeah. She thinks he's okay, but the word she used most often was "dull."
Me: Dull? Dave? Dave's a great guy! He's cool!
Blossom: Sure. But dull. She asked about you.
Me: She did?
Blossom: Yeah. A lot.
Me: She did?
Blossom: Yes.
Me: You lied for me, right?
Blossom: Idiot. She asked if you were seeing anyone.
Me: ...
Blossom: I told her no.
Me: Did you tell her I live with my dad?

And so on. Two days later, while I was at work wearing my geek badge, she came into the store "to buy some headphones." I was tongue-tied. I think I walked her over to the telephone display or something. I totally don't remember what I said or did, only that my ears were hissing the whole time and I felt dizzy.

She came back the next day during my lunch break.

And the next. And the next.

I asked her about Dave. "HIM? He's nice, but GOD is he ever dull!"

"But I saw you leaning close to him all the time at the user meet."

"That's because he doesn't speak up. We went on one date, and I could barely keep my eyes open. He drones."

"But Dave's a great guy!"

"Yeah. Seems like it. But dull."

"Oh."

So there you have it. We met online.

Dave, if you ever discover this blog, I'm really sorry, buddy. You ARE a great guy and all, but apparently you're even duller than a 25-year-old Radio Shack salesman who lives with his father.

Holy CRAP, that's dull!