2009/04/01

Here ya go, Kristian

As per request, I'm updating my fucking blog.

2008/02/06

Dr. Doodoolittle

Last night we made a large pot of chili. Being a large pot, we had chili for dinner tonight, also. As you might imagine, after two days of chili dinners the discharge of flatus gases from my fleshy parts has been both loud and copious. Go ahead. Imagine it.

Just now I came inside from an amusing smoking session. Seconds after loosing a long blast of chili-flavored wind, a frog answered my call from a nearby grove. "I'll be," I thought. Having ample reserves, I released three more quick bursts: "toot-toot-toot." From the trees came a reply: three ribbits. My anal sphincter and the lovelorn amphibian discussed things while I smoked and listened.

"toot-toot-braaap-toot"
"rrib-rrib-croak-ribbit"
"braap-crackle-toot-toot"
"croak-chirp-rrib-ribbit"

I found the frog's capacity for mimicry astounding, and as I smoked I pondered whether the Discovery Channel would see in this an idea for a show. Not for an entire series, of course, but perhaps an hour-long special. Was I using intestinal gas to announce my willingness to act as mate to this frog? Were we discussing territorial issues, he with his larynx and me with my rectal opening? Was I misleading him toward food? I'm sure the Discovery Channel would know.

Sadly, I didn't record the exchange. All you have is my word. It was an entertaining five minutes, nonetheless.

2008/02/05

To my Canadian Facebook friends

Please consider joining the Facebook group Fair Copyright for Canada.

If you don't live on the web, or if I haven't already talked your ear off about it, here's a quick run-down of what it's all about. Canada's Industry Minister Jim Prentice is pushing forward with a Canadian version of America's draconian DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act). In fact, it will be worse than the American DMCA. Canada's version of the law will contain an "anti-circumvention" clause that prohibits breaking the locks off music and videos you already own. No exceptions.

This means that, if the law passes, it will become illegal to break the locks off your music or DVDs in order to move them to new devices. If the DRM (Digital Rights Management) scheme associated with a DVD or CD "calls home" before allowing it to be played -- if that isn't happening now, it will happen very soon -- and the company it's calling goes out of business, or even merely changes its verification scheme, it will be impossible for you to continue enjoying what you've purchased. Not because DRM schemes can't be broken (they can, and very easily), but because it will be illegal to even try to break one.

If you make the terrible mistake of buying DRMed music and later decide you want to burn it to a CD to play in the car, or convert it to MP3 to play on your Creative Zen, you're shit outta luck. It will be illegal to convert it. Instead, you'll have to buy a second copy for the car, and a third for the Zen. A DVD that plays fine in the ultra-modern player in your entertainment center (because it knows how to handle DRMed discs) may not play in your Chinese cheapo portable player. Breaking the DRM to make it do so will not be a (legal) option. Compressing it to play on your video iPod will also be illegal. You'll be forced to purchase more copies of the same thing.

It's American companies that are lobbying Canadian politicians to push this law through. American companies want to force you to buy multiple copies of the same thing, removing rights we've enjoyed for as long as any of us can remember.

Joining a Facebook group may not feel like much (I sure won't stop you from writing your MP, too), but as the group grows it becomes something those who are actively fighting the Canadian DMCA can point to as evidence that Canadians just won't stand for it.

Please join. Please encourage your friends to join.

Click here to learn more about the Canadian DMCA and the damage it will cause you, your freedoms, your wallet, our artists, and our Canadian culture, and to find out other, even more effective, ways to fight it.

2007/12/10

The End of America

Lisa recommended this chilling lecture by Naomi Wolf. She makes a very strong case. The only problem is, if you're willing to listen to what she says, you're probably already part of the choir. If you know anyone who's on the fence on this, though, it's worth sending it their way, or at least worth watching yourself to help you organize your own arguments.

Ten steps to start a dictatorship:

Invoke an internal or external threat (real or not)
Create a secret prison system and military tribunal system outside the rule of law
Create a paramilitary force
Create a surveillance apparatus against ordinary citizens
Arbitrarily detain and release citizens
Infiltrate citizen's groups
Target key individuals
Restrict the press
Recast criticism as espionage, and dissent as treason
Subvert the rule of law / declare martial law

2007/12/01

AnswerTips™

The graphic above asks "What's this?" The correct answer to the question is "a stupid user interface."

I'm seeing this on more and more sites. Double-click on a word and up pops a definition or a link to more information. Like on this page:

This isn't bad information, but it's bad UI design.

Double-clicking may or may not be how a user starts making a selection, but it certainly isn't how most users have learned to signal that they're done selecting text.

For instance, when reading the news story above, perhaps you want to learn more about Judicial Watch. You might double-click on "Judicial," drag your cursor over the second word, then release the mouse button to indicate that you've finished highlighting. Afterwards, you'd use your favorite method of searching for highlighted text.

Or maybe you'd do it differently. You have that choice. Just not on this site. On this site, double-clicking indicates that you're done selecting text. That's totally contrary to every mousing habit you've ever learned. This "feature" assumes we all have the same mousing habits as the designer, or what the designer thinks we should have, and if we don't we're shit out of luck.

I don't particularly want to have one site react differently to how I use my mouse than other sites do. It's akin to disabling my right-click menu or my browser's Back button. It's not a feature, it's a non-standard UI that users may or may not want to deal with.

2007/11/02

ping

How is it that I can go months without reading a single blog, yet when I finally do I see that someone tagged me not four days ago?

I turn 40 in just over a week (which makes me older than Kirby, yet much, much, much younger than Larry), so I guess I'd better finish typing this post before my hands cramp up from the arthritis.

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night.
My 15-year-old daughter. At the last minute she decided she had to carve a jack-o-lantern, even though she wouldn't be home to enjoy it. It wasn't knee-slapping, but it was cute. You live for the cute moments when they're 15, mainly because you're trying so hard to avoid admitting they're outnumbered by the hawt moments.

2. What were you doing at 0800?
I wasn't even born until the 1960s! What the hell kind of question is that?

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Fighting to get RSSOwl to properly display HTML. I gave up and installed Akregator, instead.

4. What happened to you in 2006?
I embarked on my second (or is it my third) career. I'm now a gigolo.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
"Of course you can." (My son asks to take a shower, yet helps himself to my cola. WTF?)

6. How many beverages did you have today?
A generic Boost, four cups of coffee, one tall glass of pop, a glass of milk, a glass of water. That's eight. Gotta run.

7. What color is your hairbrush?
I checked while I was in there. It's blue. But I once had a woody, too.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
Gasoline. We should be good for another couple months, now. Right?

9. Where were you last night?
Home.

10. What color is your front door?
White. Except for that streak of spider guts near the bottom hinge.

11. Where do you keep your change?
I carry it in my front left pocket. When I'm not carrying it, it sits in Mister Christmas Bear.

12. What’s the weather like today?
It got up to 11 (52F) today, with a fair bit of sun. It's supposed to drop below freezing tonight, though.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
A rare treat would be Häagen-Dazs Coffee. But I love peppermint or pistachio, too.

14. What excites you?
A job well done. Playing with our cats and dog. When a new issue of Make hits the stands. A good debate. Chili.

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
No. Is this one of the questions you added to the list, Larry?

16. Are you over the age of 25?
Not on Mars, no.

17. Do you talk a lot?
No. If silence --or a man in a bra-- makes you uncomfortable, find someone else to hang with.

18. Have you watched any television series, regularly, to which you be ashamed to admit your regular viewership? What was your favorite episode?
Nothing I'd be ashamed of, no. Who doesn't like Tony Danza?

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
No. Sorry, were you looking for him?

20. Do you make up your own words?
All the time, but I can't for the life of me think of any examples. I must have blockosis.

21. Are you a jealous person?
Not at all. Would you be insecure if you were hot like me?

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Anni

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Kim :D

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
I don't know what this means, but I was tagged by an ex-lawyer type so I figure it's nonsense anyway.

25. What does the last text message you received say?
I haven't sent or received a text message in my life.

26. Do you chew on your straw?
No. But I do chew my ice.

27. Do you have curly hair?
Yes. It's annoying as hell.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
Bed.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
Me.

30. What was the last thing you ate?
A Halloween-sized candy bar.

31. Will you get married in the future?
I may renew my vows, but otherwise, no. If I outlive her, I'll die lonely.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
I watched Much Ado About Nothing, the one with Keanu Reeves, the other day. I was surprisingly pleased.

33. Is there anyone you like right now?
Mrs. Galoot is always at the top of my list. But I like Randy, the W1K Admins (even the old ex-lawyer type), and my kids, of course. I think this question's supposed to be a follow-up to the movie one above, though, in which case I like Al Pacino.

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
A couple of hours ago. It's my favorite chore.

35. Are you currently depressed?
Devalued, yes. Depressed, no.

36. Did you cry today?
I banged my knee of the box spring while playing with the dog, but I didn't come to tears.

37. Why did you answer and post this?
I wanted to try out my new It's All Text! Firefox extension to see how it works. It works well.

38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey.
Other than Nike, I can't think of anyone but Ali who'd be interested, and Larry already tagged her.

2007/08/12

YouTube - Eddie and the Hagfish

YouTube - Eddie and the Hagfish is an amazing video about the hagfish, something I recently rediscovered thanks to a post at Plime.

While the video itself is pretty neat, YouTube's "related videos" feature struck me as even neater.

I know it's just timing. That doesn't mean it isn't funny.

2007/06/28

My friend is well

He's home. Wobblier on his feet than he ought to be, but home nonetheless.

I said that the angiogram they did came up negative. They couldn't discharge him in the shape he was in, however, and the attacks were continuing. They scheduled a second angiogram, thinking that they might have missed something. That, too, showed nothing, so they performed an IVUS (intravascular ultrasound) procedure. A bit of Googling tells me it's quite expensive, which explains why they didn't do it in the first place.

They went in through his wrist and found the trouble spot, which was at a bend. Because of the difficult location, they had to confer on whether to use a stent or perform bypass surgery.

On the way to the neighbouring room to talk it over, one of the assistants snagged the tube going into his arm with her x-ray gown, jerking the wire. Everyone went "whups" but the heart monitor didn't blip so thought nothing of it.

They talked.

When they returned, they saw more than a pint of blood pooling under the table. The blanket under his wrist was soaked as well. The snagged wire tore the artery in his wrist, and he was bleeding heavily while they talked. One tourniquet later (yeah, a tourniquet) the bleeding stopped. But it was a complication that kept him in the hospital for another day so he could regain his strength.

The final decision was to balloon the site and then insert two stents (because of the bend).

I picked him up yesterday morning. It was a very happy day. Here's hoping things stay that way for a while.

2007/06/21

Argh

I've dumped in the Sugar Shack enough lately that I figure everyone there needs a break. So I'll dump on you, instead.

It's amazing how much I've come to love Randy like a brother in the past three years. We've both gone from cautious and wary of getting close to "if you need anything, anything at all like, say, a kidney, just call." It's the only real-life friendship I've had since my highschool buddy passed away in 1990.

It's not that I have trouble finding people I have something in common with. The world's full of geeks. It's that I'm the world's harshest judge of character. I'd have snubbed Jesus as a drinking buddy if I'd known his plans in advance. "Oh, a martyr, huh? I hate those!" I hold my friends to impossibly high standards. It's totally unfair of course, because I seldom meet those same standards, but there you have it. Too many times have I ignored my first impressions and lowered my guard, only to regret it later. I'm very protective. I often say people are jerks, but I know that's a huge generalization and unfair to a lot of people. I just don't feel like putting in the time to sift through 100 jerks to find the one diamond in the rough. I've got a happy marriage and great kids. My life is full enough.

But then there's Randy. Somehow he slipped through the cracks in my wall and we connected well enough that I never treated him as unfairly as I do everyone else. He's got his flaws, just like me, and I find that I don't care. Just as long as we can spend some time together every few weeks, it's all good.

It's nice to have a friend.

...

On June 5th, he had a heart attack. The ambulance got to him fast enough that there was no actual damage to his heart. As a result, because there were several compelling reasons to think it was nothing more than an esophageal spasm and with no evidence to the contrary, that was their diagnosis. Painful, yes, but non-threatening. Within the next week he had two more minor episodes and figured it was just more of the same, so he went about his business.

On the 17th he collapsed on the floor at the grocery store. This time the ambulance wasn't so quick, and they found evidence of damage to his heart. He's been in the hospital ever since. Since then, he's had five more, three of which happened while wearing a nitro patch. They're not having any luck finding the cause. The angiogram showed nothing. Yet the attacks continue.

His heart is badly misfiring, and nobody can tell him why. The doctors are baffled. His wife and mother are freaked. Randy's scared. So am I.

I don't want to lose him.

If you're wondering why I haven't been around Worth so much, or why my jokes fall even flatter than normal when I am, now you know.

2007/05/15

I'm a gurlie-man

Being such a manly and crushingly macho guy, I hesitated to take this quiz because it has pictures of wine, flowers, kissy faces and hand-holding. But my boyfriend insisted.

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