2004/09/19
Off The Wagon
Well. I made it over two weeks without a smoke. But I slipped yesterday and had one. I got sick as a dog as a result. Funny how poisonous those stupid things are. Funny how addictive, too, because despite the vomiting and the effects at the other end (!) I had another one today. BAH!
I feel so god damned stupid! They're slow death. Smoking is just another form of suicide. I know it. My body's reaction yesterday is just more evidence that it's terrible. I might as well be sawing at my wrists with a dull razor blade.
Jaq is NOT smoking. Good. Goodgoodgoodgoodgood. Now all I have to do is stop again. [shudder]
Jaq went out and got some pictures developed from this year's camping and hiking trips. I looked long and hard at them and reminded myself why I started this whole thing in the first place. I want to enjoy this stuff and more next year. Without watching people decades older than me skip on past because they have less trouble breathing.
I'm going to take some of those pictures and put them beside my computer as reminders. I need them.
I feel so god damned stupid! They're slow death. Smoking is just another form of suicide. I know it. My body's reaction yesterday is just more evidence that it's terrible. I might as well be sawing at my wrists with a dull razor blade.
Jaq is NOT smoking. Good. Goodgoodgoodgoodgood. Now all I have to do is stop again. [shudder]
Jaq went out and got some pictures developed from this year's camping and hiking trips. I looked long and hard at them and reminded myself why I started this whole thing in the first place. I want to enjoy this stuff and more next year. Without watching people decades older than me skip on past because they have less trouble breathing.
I'm going to take some of those pictures and put them beside my computer as reminders. I need them.
Comments:
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Galoot, I'm going to tell you what you have been telling everyone else these last two weeks.
Do not beat yourself up about this. You haven't committed a crime, and at least you have made the attempt to stop smoking.
Cigarettes are strange, or perhaps... it is we humans who are strange.
Some people can lay the smokes down, go through the intense withdrawal for a few days or weeks and then only occasionally look back.
Others are like me. (That's the reason I didn't even attempt to join in with ya'll.) I have tried to quit so many times over the years you would not believe it.
I've always found the first week to be the easiest. By the end of the second week, I was on the cusp of becoming bitter and mean-spirited (which is not like me).
Then, ususally during the third or fourth week -- things would really go downhill, and I would become a full-blown hateful bitch...a person that I did not even know, and one that I certainly did not like.
Usually, after week two or three, the people in my life would almost be relieved when I finally would say, "To hell with this!" and began smoking again.
The 'I...the real me' would quickly return.
Now is this physical or emotional ? I do not know, nor do I care. It just is.
Yes, I agree with everything society says:
1) People who smoke smell like smoke.
2) Cigarettes are nasty (mostly to non-smokers).
3) Nicotine is very, very addictive.
4) Cigarette smoking is not a particularly healthy or a particularly smart thing to do.
5) People who smoke are not attractive while doing it.
6) People who smoke are drug addicts. (We're just the addicts who are semi-acceptable to society.)
Cigarettes are not good, but frankly, when I smoke, I am a happy, well-grounded person who is fun to be around, and I definitely feel mentally and emotionally healthy.
I know it's screwy. Go figure.
I do hope that you'll decide to quit again. We'll all be behind you 100%.
If you do not, well, that's okay, too. We just like you. :-)
Do not beat yourself up about this. You haven't committed a crime, and at least you have made the attempt to stop smoking.
Cigarettes are strange, or perhaps... it is we humans who are strange.
Some people can lay the smokes down, go through the intense withdrawal for a few days or weeks and then only occasionally look back.
Others are like me. (That's the reason I didn't even attempt to join in with ya'll.) I have tried to quit so many times over the years you would not believe it.
I've always found the first week to be the easiest. By the end of the second week, I was on the cusp of becoming bitter and mean-spirited (which is not like me).
Then, ususally during the third or fourth week -- things would really go downhill, and I would become a full-blown hateful bitch...a person that I did not even know, and one that I certainly did not like.
Usually, after week two or three, the people in my life would almost be relieved when I finally would say, "To hell with this!" and began smoking again.
The 'I...the real me' would quickly return.
Now is this physical or emotional ? I do not know, nor do I care. It just is.
Yes, I agree with everything society says:
1) People who smoke smell like smoke.
2) Cigarettes are nasty (mostly to non-smokers).
3) Nicotine is very, very addictive.
4) Cigarette smoking is not a particularly healthy or a particularly smart thing to do.
5) People who smoke are not attractive while doing it.
6) People who smoke are drug addicts. (We're just the addicts who are semi-acceptable to society.)
Cigarettes are not good, but frankly, when I smoke, I am a happy, well-grounded person who is fun to be around, and I definitely feel mentally and emotionally healthy.
I know it's screwy. Go figure.
I do hope that you'll decide to quit again. We'll all be behind you 100%.
If you do not, well, that's okay, too. We just like you. :-)
Hang in there Galoot :)
Don't let Jaq win this without any competition :)
xxxxxpp
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Don't let Jaq win this without any competition :)
xxxxxpp
# posted by 
: 9/28/2004 11:41 PM
: 9/28/2004 11:41 PM Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
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