Why Dogs Suck

The time has come to make at least one anti-dog post. None of this is against anyone with dog/puppy/canine or any other form of dog in their name. Just the actual animal dog.

Every so often a dog won't seem half bad but, all in all, they are worthless. I'll give it to you point by point.

Dogs are clumsy
They can't even get up on your lap (assuming you'd want one there - haha) without being lifted. If one does manage to jump that high, odds are he'll misjudge and fall off the other side. If your cat falls asleep on the window sill, you can go away and come back and he'll still be there. If your dog falls asleep on the sill, warn people below to move away.

Dogs can feel no love
Oh, it looks like love! Tail a-wagging, barking with joy, he'll greet you at the door like the Pope greets the ground whenever he flies somewhere. That's not love. That's doggy language for "I'm dependent on you and would die if left alone! I must glom onto someone with a personality so I can mirror it! And, maybe, if I jump around enough and claw your clothes to bits, you won't notice the big puddle in the middle of the floor. Feed me!!"

Dogs are not smart
Eating your own shit is not a sign of intelligence. Licking my face afterward is liable to get you pushed out a window. Dogs can be trained more easily than cats. Parrots can talk and bees can signal where the honey is, too. Wow. Dogs are slaves who will do anything to please their alpha pack leader. You.

Pooping outside
Get real. Like I want to get up, put on my coat and shoes, grab the leash and take you outside every time your thimble-sized bladder needs emptying? Half the time a dog will get so excited when he sees the leash he'll pee in the kitchen before you get him outside anyway. If not, being fawned over because I'm "letting you go to the bathroom" is a bit sick. And I'm not real thrilled with the whole "wrap a bag around your hand so you can pick it up while it's still soft and warm" idea, either.

Dogs eat annoying food
Scratch that. They'll eat anything. They'll eat old used Kleenex if you let them.
Little known fact: A dog can survive in the desert for six months if you give him a pack filled with old shoes, pillows, house plants and computer cables. Once that runs out, he'll eat sand.

Unlike cats, dogs don't always land on their feet
See the point about clumsiness above. When a dog falls onto any part of his body other than his feet, he'll yelp and scream like he's broken his back. But (get this) a scratch behind the ears mends bones! It's a miracle! Wimpy dog. We call my cat, Monday, "Hamburger head." He's come home so beat up you can barely recognize him. He can be trailing a loop of intestine and not utter a sound. "Yay! A chance to get some sun on my innards. Cool. Time to nap."

Teeth and claws
Dogs use their claws to dig holes in the yard. If they can't get to the yard they'll dig holes through the drywall. If they can't get to the drywall they'll dig through the door in order to get to the drywall. Dogs destroy homes. And do you want to hear something funny? Dog owners have to cut their dogs' toenails. Worse, there are some that actually brush their pet's teeth! Then there's the whole hair-cutting/grooming/daily brushing thing. What the hell is that? Get a Barbie doll. You can do all that stuff with Barbie and she won't pee on the floor by way of saying thanks.

All dogs look different
In some cases you're not even sure if it's a dog.
"Is that a rat?" No, it's my Lhasa Apso. "Bless you."
"Is that a mop?" No, it's my Terrapoo. "[snicker][snicker]"
"Is that an ox?" No, it's my Newfoundland. "Big as a friggin' island, ain't he?"
"Is that a leaking hose?" No, it's my Mastiff. "Good God! I've never seen so much drool!"
What's with dogs and their silly haircuts? Must each dog really have a special style? Are they really that hard to tell apart if you trim them each the same? "Oh, no! You shouldn't give an Airedale pom-poms on his feet! That would look silly!" Get real. As if it doesn't look idiotic on a poodle.

Some dogs are okay. That old dog in the Chevy Chase movie that fell asleep in front of the fireplace and didn't realize he was on fire was cool. His replacement, who ran and ran and ran and ran... never to come back - he was cool.

Some dogs can do neat things like catch frisbees in mid-air, a skill they learned in the wild while hunting disk shaped birds. Cats catch rats. I'm all for that. Sure, they sometimes bring you their kill and proudly look up at you with that "Worship me, for I have provided you with FOOD" expression, but I'd rather make a congratulatory fuss over a dead rat than a chewed-up pair of shoes that cost me a week's pay.

Any animal that worships me is a bit sick. I'm just a human. I'm a member of the same race that invented canned spinach. I don't deserve or even want your worship. People who need to be worshipped also need to dominate. They either buy trucks with really big tires or go into politics. I'll take an independent cat companion over a drooling dog slave any day.
Man that was some funny reading. I must agree on you about the dog. But then again I don't like cats either :)

I love you loot. Ok, no one reads this blog anyway so no one will know that I said "I love you" and I will deny it to my death anyway claim you broke into my account and wrote this yourself. I'd planned a rebuttal to grim's cat rant (not so much anti-dog but pro-cat) but you've saved me that effort and now I can happily blog about salami. So thank you. :D
/me copies, pastes and emails this to his SO, because I do the "honey, I love you, but those dogs we keep? They're dumber than a bag of hair." fight too often, and could use a bit of I-read-something-about-this-online evidence, as backup.
Thankyou thankyou thankyou. I agree 100%. I'm going to go pet my cats now.

Dogs are dumb.
Yeh you're right. Dogs are shitheads.
Yup. Annoying animals.
why bother making a blog about something you hate?
I adore you, because I share your feelings.

I had a dog when I was younger, before the picking up the crap rules. She was very laid back, well behaved. A good dog. Now I have cats. I love them. They rock. Because they are relatively self sufficient and are much more fun to pet.

I just got roped into taking care of a neighbor's dogs for a week. I was not "asked" (by that I mean she basically said I need you to do this, and because our kids play together I went along trying to be nice) until the DAY BEFORE SHE LEFT. I was also not informed of the extent of care these fucking animals needed until I went over to get the keys.

I must be there first thing in the morning to give them very specifically written out menus and let them out in the yard. I must be there within 12 hours, repeat the menu, then take them for a FORTY-FIVE MINUTE WALK. She left her car for me to be able to take them around the corner to a wooded area after I told her that I would not be picking up dog crap. She teasingly called me a princess and I am like DAMN RIGHT.

So she left yesterday morning. I went over yesterday afternoon and found that she had left them in the enclosed yard, and it was now raining so they came running in when I let them. I went AGAIN in the evening when it was still drizzly and let them outside so they could do their business while I prepared their four star 3-course meal. I let them back in, locked up the house.

I got back this morning and they are whining like hell. I open the door and the dogs haul ass to the yard and I swear to god the bigger dog urinated for like a full minute. I kept them outside while I prepped the food, let them in to eat, and then went to check the back room where my neighbor says they would be most likely to leave a "present".


Having some semblance of a heart, I cleaned up the mess. But I left the dogs outside when I left and I will be sure to take them on their goddamn walk in the woods tonight.

The kicker? When I had asked her exactly when she needed me to start and stop, she gave me the specifics for this week, then LIFTED THE CALENDAR PAGE and started talking about the week after 4th of July. SCREW YOU LADY. I WILL BE BUSY.

you are one dumb, cat-loving son of a bitch. You really have that much time on your hands? My mentally retarded son was dragged from a burning house by a pit bull. What do you say to that, cathumper?
Fucking pit bull. A cat would have put the fire out before it spread.
you Freaking SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"You suck" -- Old and busted
"You chew your ass like a dog" -- The new hotness
People are the ones who are the "dumb" ones. When you train your dog to peg for food at the dinner table don't expect things to get any better, and don't yell at someone else to get the dog to stop scratching you because you're not feeding it. You are the one who created the monster. Cats rock by the way. They are soft and keep themselves clean. :)
This is lame because you are obvioulsy not an aminal lover and own a cat because you are lazy. I have both and no... cat;s are NOT an "easier" they require attention too.. but most people just leave them and them and expect (or whishfully think) they are fine with that. I grew up on a farm and all animals are differnt, but all require attention. I'm sorry that you'd rather huntch over your cat's shit box then go outside and get some exsercise.

you begin this post wrong... there are a LOT of shitty pet owners out there... dont blame the aniamls.

get over yourself

ps... neighborhood kids ALWAYS come and ask to play with my dog... the cat? not so much, even tho he IS a bad ass.
You've convinced me. Dogs don't suck. Just your dog.
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Well, here's more than my two cents' worth:

1. When I elect to go for a walk in my public park, I regularly/unfailingly encounter irresponsible and bullying dog owners who choose to ignore our small town's leash law and the "poop and scoop" ordinance. Whenever I confront such a flagrantly indifferent dog owner, I unhesitatingly call him/her to the carpet, strongly reminding and reprimanding such an individual that he/she does not have exclusive rights to the public park, and that most honest taxpaying citizens do not appreciate such cavalier behavior. Their textbook reaction/response is revoltingly predictable: "Say anything you want about my spouse/significant other, but do not criticize my dog".

2. Whenever I go for my 5-mile exercise walks, I now carry a canister of legal pepper spray ("Sabre") with me in order to ensure my safety in what should be a worry-free zone. Quite frankly, I have learned that my self defense spray is best reserved for the violent stance taken by the idiotic human owner of the ill-trained canine...

3. Dogs are stupid, plain and simple. Oh, yes, an owner can train the beast to become what he/she thinks is an intelligent creature. Conversely, what the respective master/mistress has done is merely train an idiotic slave to attack, speak, beg, fetch, play dead, roll over, stand on hind legs, etc. (ad nauseum)... whatever it takes to appease its "master" and get a treat.

4. You dog owners should be ashamed of yourselves, demeaning and treating your "best friend" in this manner. Cat owners (that I know) do not "dummy down" their feline companions, but elect to enjoy their peaceful nature and higher reasoning abilities....

5. Fowl Hunters: Well, aren't you a brave lot. Shoot the bird out of the sky and send your idiotic slave dog after it so you can sit there and suck down another brew. Come on, get off your dead butt and on your dying feet and retrieve it yourself!

6. K-9 Cops: Too scared to go in there yourself and take down a felon? That's right, brave officer, send in the dog that has undying loyalty to you. Perhaps your "best friend" will even have the privilege of stopping the bullet that was intended for you...

7. Hey, dog fighters--nice job, you bunch of animal cruelty proponents. You don't see "cat people" organizing those types of viciously cruel events for their own gain. What's wrong in your thinking, anyhow? Too scared to get in the ring yourself and "mess it up" with someone as low as your own kind? Yeah, these are the types of "tough guys and gals" who hide behind their mutts in order to assert their distorted/dysfunctional sense of status upon otherwise peaceful and responsible citizens...

Well, that's about it. Nowadays, "A man's best friend" is not what it used to be. Instead, such four-legged creatures have become threatening (and unpredictably volatile) predators against which the average citizen needs to be protected.

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Of course, dogs aren't interchangeable either. Some taste gamier than others.
I don't know what offends me more; your dislike for dogs or the fact that you think you have the right to speak against them. We don't want to hear your opinion. What do you think this is? 21st century Western civilisation? Are you completely mad?

(You people with the "Keep your opinion silent because I disagree and think that I'm more important than you" mindset: do us all a favour and step off a cliff. You're depriving multicellular life of the oxygen you waste breathing.)
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Dogs are so DUMB! :@
i really love cats cause:
1. you dont have to take them out for a walk,get a litter box
2.when you smack your dog soon the dog will forget about it
3.dog howling is WAY OUTTA LINE!! i cant sleep with all this barking and howling!
yay i finally found someone who shares my feeling! :D
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Yeah, lets remove comments that are to critical of me. I don't mind your opinions, but that is bs. I don't do that on my blog. I also don't use the crappy blogger interface for my blog, but run a self hosted version of WordPress on a server I own.
They really aren't pets as much as a domesticated hunting or shepherding animal. Unless you live in the country I really can't see the point and those horribly inbred tiny urban breeds really look pathetic.

Pet dogs were a status symbol for the rich up until the beginning of the last century.

Personally I prefer cats they are far less sycophantic and independent, require far less care and adapt to urbanized environments much better than dogs.
So hilarious, so true. I hate dogs, they're freaking disgusting.
I agree completely. I own a dog, but most times I feel it owns me. We've attempted training this animal until we were red in the face and it's still just a shithead. 7 years old now. The damn dog trashes the house and backyard, yet we continue to spend globs of money of it. Why? I guess it is human genetics to get stupid over an animal. Especially dogs. Dogs only give a shit if you feed them, constantly. Then there's the people who go to dog parks. Holy crap what a super silly lot they are as if their dogs are children. Lunatics aren't we all.
Haters. Dogs are the WORST. ih8dogs.blogspot.com
good stuff :) my boyfriends dogs fart and it smells like they are shitting in the house, and his mom thinks its cute! and will be like "oooo stinky poo poo's" i want to fucking shoot myself when she opens her dumb mouth and talks to her dogs
So your definition of a smart animal is something that acts and thinks like humans.? And that in order for an animal to be considered smart it must act in a way that would be acceptable in a human society? It is ridiculous considering that many of our rules and codes would logically in a fair world be counter productive to our survival outside of our homes. So its ridiculous to assume that they can be taught easily to not fart or slobber or eat their crap when in the real world it would be beneficial to their health. What they do is honestly much smarter and logical than what we do. I guess what I am trying to say is that our manners would be illogical on some level to a dog since they usually cause them discomfort. So next time your dog craps in your house or he farts, think whose ideals are really messed up. This is just my opinion and I have no intention of offending anyone.
1. cats do not love their owner
2. cats own you,
3. cats are not fun to play with
4. cats look like rats
5. they are retarded
6. cat people like gay music and have no life
7. dogs are cute unlike cats
8. cats tear everything up
9. cats are fun to kick across a football field
10. cats are annoying
11. cats bury their crap in our lawns
12. cats will bite you
13. cats SUCK!
You are so right! My wife coerced me to somehow get a dog, and they are such a pain in the ass! I've had a few cats in the past and have never had to worry about all the bullshit involved with owning a dog. These animals should've been kept in the wild and never breeded for human ownership. And to all those die hard animal dog loving Americans, why don't you think twice about it before biting into your beef burger or chicken nugget, and worshipping your dogs!
Lol rage some more please?

My dog doesn't eat his or others own shit. Maybe you guys see mental ones. My dog is a shiba inu. When we first got him as a pup, when he wanted to go outside after he saw us open, he JUMPED UP AND PULLED IT OPEN BY HIMSELF. I'd like to see a kitten do that.

Oh shit in the backyard? Cats are for people who are irresponsible then. I love giving my dog a bath and taking care of him. It's kinda the whole point of HAVING a pet. FYI, I'd LOVE to be with MY pet and take care of him then just provide it food and let it sleep. Cats, don't get me wrong they're good, for killing shit and feeding them, then have them hissing at you when your done.

Btw dogs are hardcore. Fuck with them, and they'll mismember you.

Dogs forever!

Bitch about being lazy some more. Cats have no emotion. They look at you like you are a disgust being. They never look happy. I'd rather bite force than claws anyday. My cousin has a cat that he loves (how?) and he always runs from him. My dog runs TO me. Congrats, you completely left out the fact that you are irresponsible and you pointed out the RESPONSBILITY US DOG OWNERS take.

Go get a fish.
The single most annoying thing about dogs is their CONSTANT BARKING, because of which I'm forced to MOVE as I can't concentrate on work as my nice neighbour has TWO freaking unattended dogs LOUDLY ANNOUNCING THE IMPORTANCE OF THEIR EXISTANCE all day.

Unfortunately, the second time I visited my new home (AFTER signing the contract), a LOUDLY BARKING HYPERNERVOUS DOG greeted me at the neighbour's fence...
I find it funny how stupid people are, your small minds might just muster up the intelligence to put together a complete thought, but just because in your stupidity, you don't see the many many many great things about dogs. You sir are an idiot, and idiots believe in idiotic logic as all anti-dog people do. I swear, more and more people are showing symptoms of mental retardation, and your guys are the perfect models of that.
I have babysat two dogs now. The first one was fine. Wonderful. Very energetic and I had to walk him frequently. But he never shat or pissed in my house.

This second one is beyond retarded. Maybe her owners don't care when it soils their house. I'll walk the damn bitch three or four times a day. Watch it piss and shit everywhere. But it still saves some for the house. This bothers and confuses me to no end. I don't understand why the dog does this when I see it eliminate more waste outside then I myself can produce in a day.

My wonderfully behaved princess of a cat, a stray I rescued from outside.. Never had a problem with her. Used her litter box untrained. It only took her a week to warm up to me and be cuddly. Sure puts that 'house-trained' bitch to shame.

Not all dogs are bad. But I hate how very dependent they are on people to diligently train them to behave in a way that's acceptable to us.
Dogs suck because they are inconsiderate of others and think nothing of humping your leg when they're horny, stealing your food when they're hungry, barking and whining for attention, acting like mans best friend when all they really really do is keep people awake at night with their barking and smelly, stinky dispositions. Plus they smell like dogs. Isn't that bad enough!
Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Why am I getting a response, more than 7 years after I posted this?" the answer is, because I typed "dogs suck" in a search engine and your post came up. And I very much agree with it.

I'll be honest with you; usually if there's a dog I have a problem with, it boils down to the owner being incredibly stupid (like the "feeding scraps from the table" comment someone else posted). However, there have been cases of the DOG being incredibly stupid.

I have the misfortune to be renting a place out in the woods; this in itself is wonderful, I don't have to deal with people. Unfortunately, the landlady lives less than 500 feet from the house, and is the sort that "can't bear to see anything go hungry". This means she feels she has to feed every goddamn stray dog that turns up at her doorstep...and we have a whole pack of them now living in the woods--no rabies shots, no tags, no nothing. One has had puppies. I used to enjoy walking in the woods, I can't any more, I fear I'm going to get bit, and they've chased off all the wildlife. Short of throwing out hot dogs with rat poison (Even I'm not that mean...yet...), I don't know what to do.

I have never liked dogs, I think they're disgusting animals, and too many people get them and then let them run loose (or throw them out by the side of the road) because they can't take care of them.

Thanks for listening (reading?).
Dogs are actually the 7th smartest animal in the world. Dogs are actually smarter than cats and understand human body language better than chimps. I have two cats and a dog and I feel that my cats would watch me die. Dogs eat their own feces because it is perfectly normal to them.
I laughed quite hard at this post, and all comments relating to the lack of intelligence the majority of you people possess. Those of you who have had dogs that 'ran' you obviously don't take the time to properly train your dog. Dogs are happy, loyal creatures that would gladly put its life on the line or do what it can to protect you and your family (this happened with our dog recently). If your dog isn't loving, compassionate, well mannered, playful, and obedient, then you fail as an owner and should have never gotten a dog in the first place. They require much work and should only be taken in by a responsible individual who is prepared for the challenge. If you dog is eating your things and peeing on the floor, its your fault for not training them (or trying to train but failing and giving up).

I have a Shephard-Lab mix, and I also have a Pot bellied pig. Though pigs are supposed to be one of the most intelligent animals next to humans, its quite apparent that she fails in comparison to my dog. The only thing I will agree with is that yes, of course there are highly unintelligent dogs who consume their own waste (these seem to typically be smaller breed ugly things), but there are humans who aren't much better.

Dont get me wrong, cats are good, lazy, effortless pets who appeal to the owner who wants virtually nothing to do with their animal on a regular basis. But I've never had a dog scratch at my furniture, throw hair balls up everywhere, and lay on top of the TV, blocking the heat ventilation.

Oh, and get your facts straight before writing about police canines. Why use them? That's like saying 'why use a horse to get around, why just not run faster?' Do some research before you pound your keyboard with your ignorant gorilla fists.
Dogs are so needy. I think most people just want to pretend someone loves them, so they get a dog. Meanwhile the dog is obsessed with food, and this obsession sometimes looks like love to its owner. People who need that kind of attention from an animal are kinda sad.
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