Ask Galoot - Do Not Call

Loyal reader (but she'll deny that if you ask her) kitten writes:
dear 'loot,

why do I keep getting calls from solicitors and telemarketers even though I have protections on my phone and I'm on the no call list? these people are driving me crazy? how can I make them stop?
Kitten, those may not be telemarketers.

Back in the day, before the restraining order went into effect, I used to call *XXXXX several times a week from a pay phone, pretending to be a different telemarketer each time. Sometimes I'd call with an offer to "scrub her carpets." Other times I'd ask if she would be interested in getting "in my pants," but I'd say it real fast so it sounded like "insurance." I know she loved me. She was always polite when she said no.

I had a whole range of different voices. She didn't complain until I foolishly used a cheesy B-grade movie Dracula accent like the Count from Sesame Street. I guess the Count turned her off. The cops traced my next call and found me licking the public phone outside a 7-11 wearing only my slippers. That was the end of our secret love affair. Now everybody knew and it was no longer exciting. Why did she have to tell?

Still, it turned out well. I would never have met my cellmate, Karl, if it weren't for her.

Anyway, give me your phone number and I'll look into this for you. No charge.

(*Note: XXXXX was not her real name.)


Leave a comment and Ask Galoot - I've got advice coming out my ass!
I posted a question, but did it as Anonymous, so no wonder you didn't answer.

Heck, you may choose not to answer anyway (not nearly as exciting as some of those I saw), but nevertheless, I wanted to know why you chose the name Galoot. I've never seen it as a username.

Curious in California
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